“So, a silver for Britain there in the Dachshund re-capture race.  I thought for a moment we had lost it in the second field there, but excellent rounding up by James, wearing good shoes, I am pleased to say, beating the Germans into 3^rd place, who had mistakenly decided to wear Birkenstocks.

But the action is coming thick and fast, as we go straight over to the Jardin des Cabanons, where the second and concluding day of the Individual Combined Shed Painting has just ended.  Remember, this event combines the three main painting disciplines of Shed, Fence and Static Garden Furniture.  Going for team GB is ML Gardener…”

“Thank you, Hazel.  Well, painting has finished and we are just waiting for the scores from the judges.  Remember, this is the second day, with marks from both days being added together to decide the medals.  Yesterday was not good for Team GB, with ML beginning his campaign painting the Static Garden Furniture using an old pot of paint, and it just did not have the coverage. It took an age to dry and resulted in paint on the dress of the main judge – on her birthday – for which he will have lost crucial marks.  I guess many of you at home will be asking why he is using old paint? But sadly there is no Lottery Funding for this event, with competitors having to pay their own way, so nothing can go to waste.

But, despite trailing, it has been a far better day for Team GB.  ML finished with his best element – The Shed.  This has not been painted since Tokyo in 2021, but ML covered it in Olympic Record time which has seen him surge up the leaderboard.  His technique across the shiplap was superb: broad brushstrokes, great coverage and little spillage.

It will be a tough ask to get amongst the medals, though, with the Dutch, who have painted their barn in Orange, currently in Bronze medal position.  The US and China are out in front with their Red Sheds. Orange and red are higher tariff colours than GB’s black, and I fear that is going to count against us in the end. 

And, there it is: the final leaderboard shows that GB has come an agonising 4^th.  Just outside the medals.  We will hope to get a word with ML Gardener in a moment.  He looks exhausted but should be pleased with his efforts today.  I expect he will tell us that he has been on a journey, that there have been tough times but that he is proud of all that he has achieved and that Black really should be the new Ash Grey, or something like that. 

But, of course, it’s not all over yet for the MLG family with Mrs B is still in the hunt for the Big G, after achieving a Personal Best, qualifiying in top spot for tomorrow’s final in the Double Gate Speed event. 

Back to you in the studio while we put the cushions out, rearrange the Geraniums and get the Pizza Oven up to temperature.”