Monthly Archives: January 2026

Making Your Bed and Lying

MAGA seedlings

As followers of the modern geopolitical Zeitgeist, last week the Midlife Gardener (in the guise of Garden Gate Flowers) stole a march on The Donald by taking over Greenland. Or, more accurately, some Green Land.  It is not ours (never has been, never will be), but here at MLG we do not quibble over the Art of the Deal or tariffs; and we don’t issue threats or sarcastic tweets; we quietly take our neighbours’ land for pure commercial gain.  We don’t bleat on about security, but instead we consult with the landowners first and only move in when they invite us. So, it is a big thank you to Tony and Pippa (our local Green Landers) for offering us this extra territorial arm of Garden Gate Flowers. 

The territory has no rare earth minerals, oil or gas, so we had to bring our own raw materials and natural resources in the shape of two tons of Revive Soil Conditioner, expertly delivered by Kevin (Wally) Watson to Garden Gate HQ.  It was still hot and smokin’ as we shovelled thirty-one barrowloads of the black stuff to cover the cardboard mulching. Unlike the proverbial horse shit being spewed in Davos this week, we have ordered a trailer load of the real thing, so our beds will soon be well made and ready for planting.

The first occupants of this promised land are likely to be MAGA Snapdragons.  You guessed it, we’re Making Antirrhinums Great Again.  This particular type is Snowflake, which could confuse one world leader. Is this ‘Green Land’ or ‘Ice Land’?

But we wouldn’t make that mistake.  We’re not THAT STUPID.

Not Going Cheap in the Sales

January means planning the spring planting but these days, fewer seed catalogues are landing on my doormat.  Either the postal service is getting worse, or the seed companies are going electronic.  Either way, instead of browsing catalogues, nowadays I am surfing the Web for my gardening fantasies.

I have plenty of seeds left over from summer, so have only needed to supplement them with a few from Ben at Higgledy Garden.  But the internet is a dangerous place and leads me into horticultural temptation.  After the losses of ‘dahliagate’ I was minded to order fresh ones to swell the depleted ranks and while I was browsing those tubers, I could not resist ordering a bulk batch of ranunculus.

My relationship with the Persian Buttercup over the years has been tempestuous, to put it mildly.  The first time our paths crossed, at the Old Place, we managed to produce a fine crop of the multi-layered rose-like blooms.  It seemed so simple:  stick them in a pot in the autumn greenhouse, and by early summer – Boom!

In subsequent years I have tried the same formula, but it just hasn’t worked out.  They have thrown up a few, sometimes weedy, green leaves, but each time they have wilted and died in the pot before spring could arrive.  And this autumn I put them in 9cm pots and they never even bothered to germinate or shoot.  Just rotted.  I desperately want ranunculus in my life, but each time I try, they just swipe left.

I am clearly doing something wrong.   Reading their biog, I see that they like the paradoxical “damp, well-drained soil.”  So, they do not like being dry, but at the first sign of too much water, the corms will melt away like the Wicked Witch of the West.

Mrs B laughed when she knew I had succumbed to the Temptation of Ranunculus once again.  The words of Soft Cell, she regards my attraction to ranunculus as a so so love; the standing joke of the year.  For my part, I tried to make it work and although they didn’t even germinate last time, I wanna make sure it doesn’t happen again. 

Despite my best intentions and ferent hopes, deep down I know that, even if they do manage to produce a few green shoots, I it is likely to be another case of  Say Hello then Wave Goodbye.