Fudge: Forever Free

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Arran Fudge

We are coming to the end of twelve months in which we have ridden an emotional roller-coasting and this week we hit another dip and sharp turn as we sadly bade farewell to our canine companion Fudge who, to coin an obituary cliché, finally slipped away ‘after a short illness’.  It was Mrs B’s sad duty to take her to the vets where the decision was made to put Fudgey out of her misery and bring to an end a long, adventurous life.

Fudge had started her journey to us when she was abandoned in a carrier bag outside a Dublin supermarket with her brothers and sisters.  After being passed through a couple of rescue centres she eventually took up residence with us while her sister (Truffle) moved in with my parents next door.  Over the subsequent fifteen years Fudgey-Dog was a willing playmate, constant walking companion, lap dog and occasional rabbit catcher for our family.

I asked Josh and Verity for their most vivid memories of her and their strongest memories were of a dog who never tired of playing and jumping.   They spent long blissful hours in the garden building jump courses for her which she would  race through with glee.  Fudge loved to take on any type of obstacle and like a mad freerunner no wall or tree was too high to her.  She once scaled a sheer twelve-foot wall in a West London park as we looked, powerless, fearing she would fall over the other side.  And at home she once chased a cat up the Walnut tree in the Old Garden, reaching the lower branches ten feet up before deciding to bail out.

She did receive encouragement from her young playmates in getting on top of things, leaping onto hay bales for photo shoots or – with Josh as main instigator – being placed on the desk in the study.  As Josh says “She was so confused and excited all at once: she knew when we were breaking the rules”.

Breaking the Rules was part and parcel of Fudge’s ‘raison d’être’.  With Truffle taking the lead she had an ally who was always keen to escape and go on long rambles by themselves, often coming back in the early hours of the morning.  Depending on the crops they traversed Fudge would either return looking like a punch drunk boxer (maize fields) or a masked pirate (from ripe cereal crops).

The sisters had quickly made a name for themselves at puppy training classes where my mother and I took them.  When the instructor wanted to run an outdoor session, we warned her our dogs might not stick around too long. But with a cattle grid covering the entrance she thought it would be fine.  Ten seconds later “they’re idiots!” was her unprofessional judgement as two ginger puppies streaked straight across the iron bars and down the lane.

At home I used a different soubriquet when I walked into the kitchen one day to discover they had reduced their bean bag beds to shreds of blue denim amid drifting dunes of polystyrene granules.  “Fuckwits!” was all I could exclaim at the slightly bemused puppies.

Fudge’s aptitude for naughtiness and deception included taking food whenever she had the opportunity.  She was fully aware that food was not to be taken off tables, but when the grown ups have left some tasty bruschetta and other antipasto on the coffee table while they greet their guests who’s going to notice if a small ginger dog helps herself to most of the hand-assembled delicacies?!

Likewise the major part of Verity’s Christmas Toblerone was too much of a temptation when no one was looking.  The toxic nature of chocolate to dogs was shrugged of by Fudge’s cast iron constitution.  The canine consumption of her Christmas treat was not so easily borne by VB who commemorated the incident with the football-style  chant

“You’re fat, you’ve grown, you ate my Toblerone, you Fudgey Dog, you Fudgey Dog…”

When Mrs B sprained an ankle badly while picking blackberries Fudge, rather than run for help in the style of Lassie, simply troughed all the blackberries that Mrs B had dropped as she lay helpless on the ground.

In the fight or flight debate, Fudge was in the latter camp.  Never more so than with electric fencing.  When her cold wet nose touched some in the garden, she yelped all the way back into the house and would not walk on the lawn for a week, not even trusting the grass.

She got over that but other hang ups stayed with her most of her life.  She despised four-by-fours after she saw her sister knocked over by one.  (Truffle – remarkably – survived uninjured from the incident).  Thereafter, Fudge would growl and bark at anything that remotely resembled a Chelsea Tractor.  Not a bad sentiment I felt.

She also, for a while, seemed to have a problem with Black Dogs, barking at them but not other colours.  But any hints of racism were quelled when we got our own Black Dog (Ella) and Fudge realised that they weren’t so bad after all….although it took her a good few weeks of therapy to accept the young foreign interloper.

Ultimately our loveable rogue was a wonderful little chum.  She had some adorable habits such as being a wonderful lap dog / snoozing companion for Mrs B, particularly during chemo.  VB also recalls how Fudge had her own little room in the tent when we went camping and Fudge was very happy with that arrangement (when not growling at trucks and black labs).

For a dog that was constantly on the hunt for food of any sort and trying to get out to the open fields (and main roads) that surround us, she lived a charmed and remarkably healthy, injury-free life.  Even in her latter years she was still able to show the earth-bound Ella how a real dog leaps into the back of a car.  So when she was taken ill last Friday and gradually got worse over the weekend it was clear something was seriously wrong.

She was brave to the end and has been laid to rest in the front garden, where the last rays of the setting sun illuminated her final resting place.  It seemed only fair that she should be outside the confines of her backyard prison.  She should be free at last.

She was the most brilliant companion for us all.  She was quirky, characterful and funny and we will all miss her.

As the kids today would say: she was a Legend.

 

The Dog Days are Never Over

Autumn walk

The tail end of the summer and into the autumn and we are consuming the results of all our previous efforts .  And it is good to get out and do some harvesting or simply get out and about in the Somerset countryside. I have had plenty of time to do both with my uncritical canine assistants.

Ella is the espionage specialist and has all the patience of George Smiley in seeking out those elusive moles that continue to threaten our Western Gardening Meritocracy.  She stands for hours over the mole hills awaiting a false move. Then digs deep and fast as if searching for Arnie Saknusson*. We have found the occasional dead mole, so we assume she was responsible.  But it is all very Top Secret – she never admits to neutralising any of the underground threat.

Deaf and Dumb?

The more diminutive canine companion (Fudge) is a little less useful or co-operative.  As I opened the door to water the hanging basket at 8 a.m. one Saturday – a time when good working folk are likely to be enjoying their rest – the ginger flash spirited herself out like smoke and proceeded to play a game of Grandmother’s footsteps with me down the garden path.   As I followed her she maintained her distance.  As I accelerated, she (quietly, carefully) raised her speed.  As I whispered and gesticulated for her to stop, she pinned her ears flatter and stared straight ahead.  “Hear no command, see no command” is her motto in old age and she hopped over the wall and was crossing the road to disappear down the lane when my patience ran out.

“FUDGE!!!”  I shouted.

She stopped, thought for a moment, had to admit she had heard that command, and grudgingly returned to base camp – as our new neighbours were waking up, bleary-eyed, wondering what had provoked such a profanity so early on a Saturday.

Fudge is, physically, in remarkably good shape for a dog of her age (we reckon she is about 14), but mentally she is a dementia case.  She obsesses about stuff – God only knows what.  At least with the other pensioner in my life I know what his obsessions are.  The Old Man will tell me every time I see him what he is going to have for every meal, and precisely how he (or Gill) is going to cook it.  And this is only after he has told me what he had the previous evening.

And how he or Gill cooked it.

We think that Fudge is probably like the Old Man, with her food-based obsession.  If I bring veg in from the garden, she will compulsively try to take some from the basket.  I have lost chard, cavolo nero and broccoli to the ginger veg thief, which seems an odd diet for a dog, but there you go.  And it does not end at vegetarian “edibles”.

The other day I heard an odd sound in the living room and came in to see Fudge chewing a piece of coal that she had taken out of the container by the fire.  And she was consuming it on the (previously unmarked) new beige carpet….  It put me in mind of the day she and her sister (as puppies) ripped open a bean bag bed in the kitchen and looked bemused at the drifts of polystyrene beads wafting across the flagstones – not to mention my own declaration of them as “fuckwits”.

The demented fuckwit continues to lick anything that does not move such as her bed, the kitchen floor, the sofa, and even the hearth (though that is no surprise in view of the coal incident).

And what is the inevitable result of all this food-obsessed activity?  The Newtonian law of every action having an equal and opposite reaction dictates that this dog could shit for Britain.  But if producing crap was a competitive sport there are not many individuals that I would be able to put up against my fuckwit dog.  She defies the normal laws of physics.  In what is the defecatory equivalent of cold fusion she manages – in the space of one 45 minute walk – to produce faeces in excess of her own bodyweight.  She starts before she is out of the garden (before she is out the door if we do not move quickly enough) and is still pooping as she returns to the house.  I could name a few people who produce more than their fair share of metaphorical crap, but in literal terms, pound-for-pound my little demented Fudgey dog takes the biscuit.

(And the kale, and the coal)

 

A Walk with a View #2

After the yellow weather warnings last night and the subsequent torrential rain this morning it seemed timely to post another photo album from one of our neighbourhood walks.  This morning as I set out at 8.30 with the dogs I looked west and where normally we can have views across to Glastonbury Tor and the levels, there was simply a grey curtain of doom. Within fifteen minutes we were all getting drenched. I was not too happy with it, but not half as pissed off as Fudge who slowed her progress to the point where it was difficult of ascertain if she was actually alive, with her tail buttoned down tight as if to keep her waterproof.  Only Ella – thick in the fur and thick in the head – was oblivious to the wet, romping through the wet grass.

Contrast this with Thursday when I was out at the same time enjoying a proper jamspangler of a day. In my previous post I captioned a picture “this is why we garden”.   I guess this album should be tagged “this is why we live here”.  In such warm – perhaps I would venture to say hot – weather I am always reminded of one of my favourite passages from John Steinbeck (The Grapes of Wrath) as he describes a “land turtle” getting up and over a road:

“The sun lay on the grass and warmed it, and in the shade under the grass the insects moved, ants and ant lions to set traps for them, grasshoppers to jump into the air and flick their yellow wings for a second, sow bugs like little armadillos, plodding restlessly on many tender feet.  And over the grass at the roadside a land turtle crawled, turning aside for nothing, dragging his high-domed shell over the grass: His hard legs and yellow-nailed feet threshed slowly through the grass, not really walking, but boosting and dragging his shell along. The barley beards slid off his shell, and the clover burrs fell on him and rolled to the ground. His horny beak was partly open, and his fierce, humorous eyes, under brows like fingernails, stared straight ahead”

 

 

 

Help Wanted?

Amelanchier - at its best
Amelanchier – at its best

I have previously written about my gardening buddie – Fudge – who has often been my constant gardening companion.  She will hunt for rabbits, or trot around the garden keeping herself busy while I get on with the less arduous task of digging, weeding, or planting.  But in recent weeks she has not always had the necessary patience for gardening and has developed a pentient for wandering off across the nearby fields and – more worryingly – crossing main roads.  In the old days we would have put any such misdemeanours down to “being led astray” by her sister Truffle next door, when the  “fuckwits” would disappear for long evenings running through fields of maize returning with faces like beaten prize-fighters.

Can I go in now?
Can I go in now?

During my mother illness I erected what was commonly described as “giraffe fencing” around the property to corale the dogs.  But after mum’s passing, and Truffle’s out-of-contract transfer to Heaven’s Gate (the animal rescue centre, not the actual portal) the higher fences have gradually come down as Fudge always seemed less motivated than her sister to abscond.  But like a secne from Les Miserables, the barriers are being erected again as Fudge once more goes in search of her Field of Dreams.  It seemed I had managed to make the garden escape proof and yet she was still managing to disappear.  We thought of tagging her, or using hidden cameras or perhaps slyly following her to see where she was getting out.  Until it dawned on me that, hey – she’s just a DOG.  So I went into next door’s drive while Verity held her, and when I called, Fudge gleefully joined me via a circuitous and cunning route under the oil tank.  Job done.  She was so pleased to see me….but now that escape route is blocked and the dog yesterday got so bored in the garden she scratched on the kitchen door to be let back in to the house.

The Fuckwits
The Fuckwits

So with Fudge spending less time in the garden, it was a such a lovely day that Claire decided she would join me in digging the afternoon away.  She had decided she would like to dig the nettles up which are imminently going to engulf the chicken run, but after ten minutes she had dug one nettle and got stung five times (“didn’t you wear gloves?”  “Yes – but they are the ones you bought me and they are are crap”).  She found me in the greenhouse, potting up, and asked if there was anything else she could do – like planting.  I offered her the chance to plant some runner beans, but she she pointed out she did not have the right gloves to do this (she is justifiably wary of infections after chemo last year) and as I had my hands dirty I could carry on with that.  No, Claire thought, she would go and pull up the remaining purple sprouting ready for me to dig it over.  A nice easy job, with quick results.  A perfect job for Claire..

Purple Sprouting broccoli - real stars this winter
Purple Sprouting broccoli – real stars this winter

Fifteen minutes later I hear an ejaculation and look up to see that she has just put the last plant into the wheel barrow, only for it to tip over and spill all the contents.  She is not happy.  Another ten minutes pass and I hear more cursing and see that Claire is now tackling the stakes on which I had placed netting to keep pigeons off.  The stakes  are further into the ground than Claire would have expected and are proving to be difficult to get out (whole).  Eventually I see her extract a post, though up to a third of it probably remains below ground level as Claire throws the offending article like a javelin towards the pile of broken timbers she has previously removed.  There is not a lot of peace love and understanding in evidence.

I have a brief flash back and think how it would have been for  my parents with me helping them in the garden.  It became a bit of a catch phrase “A job for you, James” and I am sure that I probably had similar tantrums.  I am later told that I looked all to smug and happy in my greenhouse as my other half was throwing lumber, but I was taking the time – protected by my glass house – to muse on what good therapy gardening is.

I think Claire might need alternative therapy before returning to the veg patch any time soon.

Fudge, Yeah!

Knitwear advert - without the knitwear
Knitwear advert – without the knitwear

It feels like the gardening year is at a bit of a hiatus with little to do, so rather like the lead singer of a band in the middle of a particularly dull riff as the “guitarist goes off on one” as Claire would put it, I would like to take time to introduce an important member of my band: Fudge.

As Bill Murray said in Ghostbusters “so….she’s a dog”, but yeah she really is.  She is my constant companion who loves nothing more than to come down the garden hunting out rabbits – or even rats.  Which she rarely, if ever, catches.  And then just buggers off for a couple of hours digging at the rabbit holes up the top of the field.  So perhaps not quite such a constant companion after all, let alone constant gardener.

"I do not like the cone of shame"
“I do not like the cone of shame”

Mind you, she is a lot less of a liability than her sister (Truffle) with whom she was acquired after being abandoned outside a Dublin supermarket.  They were the subject of a benign Extraordinary Rendition to bring them to the UK.  We offered to give Fudge a good home while Truffle took up residence with mum and dad next door.  Truffle ultimately proved too much of a handful: she had her own individual programme when it came to exercise and when out on walks would simply make a bee-line for the horizon which left her owner taking a solitary trudge back home to await her re-appearance at whatever time of day or night suited her.

A pile of puppies...
A pile of puppies…

Truffle was a source of comfort for my mother in her terminal illness, but after mum’s passing, Truffle was never going to get enough exercise with my more sedentary father and she has been re-homed.  If her new owners want to feel they are spending time with their new pet in the great outdoors, I hope that they live on a saltpan somewhere and own some very powerful binoculars (or the world’s longest lead).

KONICA MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERAFudge has a lot of energy to burn too, and although we are not sure of her lineage, we suspect some sort of terrier crossed with a boxer.  Basically a scatter-brained dog who has bags of energy, and lists digging and jumping as two of her main hobbies.  A gun dog she is not:  she quakes at potential thunder (she can sense the build up of Cumulo Nimbus on the other side of the country) and will suddenly walk to the tightest “heel” if there is any sudden sound – be it gun, bird scarer, or clattering pans.

But she is the best, most patient dog to have in the house,  and at least she does not dig up any of the garden: unlike my parents’ previous canine companion – Sambar – who had a penchant for carrots, which she harvested herself, therefore requiring the carrots to be fenced in on all sides, and top.

Gardening is just so tough....
Gardening is just so tough….

When Fudge came to us she had been named – along with her four siblings – after the Nolan sisters (I hope there were no males in the rescued litter).  We decided to change to something of our own choosing as she didn’t seem to be a Bernadette. Naming dogs is even more random than naming children as there are no limits to what you can call a dog.  There again, these days the range of children’s names has expanded to include pets’ names too, if some celeb choices are anything to go by, but we happened upon the name Fudge as it was sweet and light brown – (like her?)…  And my parents followed suit with her sister, calling her Truffle.

KONICA MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERANot that we always use their given names.  Truffle was generally known by the kids as “special needs” (she would have kept educational psychologists in work for years if she were human) or on the day that they ripped up their bean bags, leaving drifts of polystyrene balls across the kitchen, “fuckwits” was the first name that came to my mind.

On top of Goat Fell, Arran
On top of Goat Fell, Arran

But now we are down to one f-wit, and if she does not have any other pressing engagements at the top of the field, she will keep me company in the garden and – as I said – occasionally catch a rat or rabbit.   In fact she managed to tag a rabbit yesterday, but for the most part she takes up the role of Grommit to my Wallis, as we try to fulfil our respective roles in the garden.

KONICA MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERA
Thinking of going somewhere?